Sex and the Smithie: 'Why I love my vibrator'

The Sex and the Smithie column is written by a different anonymous author each week.I love my vibrator. It is my personal belief that anyone who values good sex should own one. It gives me what I ask for and I don't have to talk about its day, feelings, worries, or listen to its whining to get there. You don't have to beg it, cuddle it, or talk dirty to it. unless you want to. You don't have to tell it "Umm... a little to the left" because it already knows. And when you ask for it again, it's never too tired and there's no obligatory spooning afterward. And yes, I have named my vibrator: the same model as "The Rabbit" from the Sex and the City episode, my vibrator goes by male pronouns and is affectionately referred to as Peter Cottontail.

I began my quest for the perfect vibrator with all the embarrassment and giggles pent up from years of wanting one yet being too scared to buy it. As a new convert to vibrator love, I used to be intimidated by the idea of a vibrator, and the price tag that usually goes along with it. I thought I would never really find one I really liked. I assumed they couldn't actually live up to the hype. But I also used to think that dinner would still be available when I run in the dining hall at 6:55 p.m. Well, we all make mistakes.

Since making the purchase, I've run across friends and Smithies who aren't as fortunate to have reached my level of vibrator enlightenment. In fact, they hold some serious misconceptions about how to use them in the first place. For those of you lacking in vibrator know-how, here is my advice:

1) BUY A VIBRATOR: Ask a professional for advice when purchasing a vibrator. My love story with my own vibrator began at our local Oh My store downtown where I was able to ask the owner questions and get the facts. Ask professionals: they know what they're talking about for a reason.

2) OPEN THE BOX: So now you have your vibrator. Maybe it's sparkly, maybe not. Either way, you need to take it out of the box and open yourself to any awkwardness that you may feel. So,now what? The famous rookie move inherently happens next: fumble, flip, buzz and silence. Be open to the possibility of it not feeling very good at first. The first hurdle is crossing that "wait, I hold it like this but then there's this button and woah I don't think I like that" barrier. Spend some time trying out all the tricks your vibrator can do, but allow yourself to say, "I like this" and, "No way will I do that." Remember, it's your vibrator. Have the confidence to face it and find how to make your vibrator work for you.

3) USE LUBRICATION: It's probably located right by the register in the store where you're buying your vibrator. Don't leave without it. Note: don't use silicone lube with a silicone vibrator, as the silicone material will just absorb the lube, harming the toy.

4) SAY HI: Be as familiar with your vibrator as you would a partner. Sex is a whole body sensual experience and using a vibrator does not change that. A vibrator is not a formula of flip, buzz and orgasm. As crazy as this sounds, introduce your buzzing friend to other areas of your body and see what happens.


5) THREE'S NO CROWD: Using a vibrator with a partner can be tricky, but the key is to talk before, during and afterward. Ask questions. With a toy, start from that awkward square one where you don't know anything about what your partner enjoys. Don't have expectations or judgments. Be open to them not enjoying this third party the same way you do. The more you talk, experiment and step outside your own expectations, the better the experience.


6) WASH YOUR VIBRATOR: Hopefully you shower and anyone you're sexually involved with has acceptable hygiene. Your vibrator is no different. Use toy-friendly cleaners or simple antibacterial soap and hot water. If cleaning your vibrator in your house, bundle it up in your towel when you go to shower and privately soap your friend up there.

Again, I love my vibrator. I didn't have to remember to send it a text, meet it for coffee, or try to arrange time for it outside of complicated class schedules. I love my vibrator because it's always there, just for me - and I didn't have to go to a Quad party to end up having a good night.