Sex and the Smithie: Getting the Campus Tour

The Sex and the Smithie column is written by a different anonymous author each week. Send submissions to sophian@smith.edu.

Spring is in the air, or maybe we're just wishing for spring break. Either way, Smithies are ready to venture outside of the heated houses. And true to Smithie form, we want to multitask: get our vitamin D, explore campus and finally perk up that CC Cafe barista, all at the same time. Work the winter cabin fever out of your system and bring your Marvin Gaye vibes to one of these sweet spots on campus:

12. Head to the grassy slope right next to Smith's own roaring waterfall and "paint with all the colors of the wind" all night long. Bring a blanket, it'll be comfier.

11. Make a late, late night visit to the Campus School playground. The awkward potential of being caught getting down among children's toys will only spice up your encounter.

10. Try the swing seat overlooking Paradise Pond. You get a nice breeze during the hot sticky summer and bragging rights that you basically did it in C.T.C.'s backyard. 

9. Plan a fling in the Ford Hall atrium. It's totally beautiful, but the building is never quite empty. Pro or con? This could be the perfect place to discover your latent voyeuristic fetish.

8. Sneak into the Comstock billiards room. Ever play strip pool? Now's your chance!

7. It's cold outside, so do yourself a favor and really warm up. Head to the tropical room in the botanical gardens and let nature take its course. Pick the right time, though, or you'll freak out the little old ladies touring the greenhouse on a day trip. 

6. Looking for a late-night hookup spot? Try the design studio in Mendenhall. It's isolated and no one's ever really paying attention at 3 a.m. Just don't pick hell week, or your theater friends won't ever stop teasing you – or let you in.

5. Follow the path to the Japanese Tea House near Paradise Pond. The location is pretty, and everyone has a roll in the hay there, but watch out for ticks and stoned high school students. Despite the potential "ew" factor, when you have a roommate who just won't be sexiled, it's totally worth it.

4. In the middle of the Quad. Just do it. Get caught? Whatever, everyone who lives in the quad has definitely seen worse.

3. Did you know you can shut the curtain to the arcade room in the Campus Center? Nobody ever actually plays pool on that table anyway. Score!

2. You want to hook up in the niche under the Neilson staircase? Yawn, join the crowd. Instead, try the periodicals stacks late at night. No one ever goes there, and when you're surrounded by books it's way easier to play out your hot librarian fantasies. Extra points if you have yourself a real librarian.

1. Seelye roof. Summer breezes? Check. Romantic view of the Valley? Check. Starry sky above you? Check. Bring a blanket, because it's dirty up there – just not as dirty as you.

We might not have a big campus, but there are many more little nooks to be explored. Don't feel too proud of yourself if you find some perfect place, though. Somebody else has probably come before you.

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