2008 Woodie Awards
My Thoughts Exactly
Getting Personal
Ginny Slaughter
Issue date: 9/5/06 Section: Features
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I'll admit it - upon occasion, when I'm putting off writing the inevitable paper, I'll look for ways to procrastinate a bit, and one of my favorite ways includes searching personals sites. I mean, who knows? I may find Mr. Right. Or, at the very least, "Mr. What-the-Hell?"
Fellas, some of the things you put in your profiles are mind-boggling. So I'm offering up a few tips, from a girl's perspective, to help you make yourself seem at least slightly more dateable.
Tip #1: If you're trying to attract a partner, put a little thought into what you're going to call yourself, please. It's the first thing people see. For example, while browsing some profiles today, I stumbled across "bigfruitcake." My first thought was, "Well, at least he's honest! Next!"
Then there was "milost." I don't know, are you? If so, please point your mouse to the little "x" in the top right-hand corner of your screen.
And "citation." What are you thinking? Some girl's going to run across your profile and say, "Ooooh, I wonder if he'll give me a parking ticket! Giggle!"
And "MmmmGlass?" If a way to a man's heart is through his stomach, I guess anyone dating you better be willing to sacrifice a few windows.
"TwotoaShower?" What, you couldn't pay the water bill this month?
And no references to your penis size, please. Women won't believe you, anyway. We know from experience that men have no concept of what six inches actually looks like.
Tip #2: Note to 75% of the male population: black and white photos do not make you look more intelligent or introspective. They just make you look boring.
Tip #3: No outdated photos, either, please. It's not like a girl is going to meet you in person and go, "Well, he was attractive ten years ago! I think I'll date him anyway!" If you're looking for girls who will be attracted to you despite (or even because of) your receding hairline, post a picture of you with your receding hairline. You'd think it would be common sense.
Fellas, some of the things you put in your profiles are mind-boggling. So I'm offering up a few tips, from a girl's perspective, to help you make yourself seem at least slightly more dateable.
Tip #1: If you're trying to attract a partner, put a little thought into what you're going to call yourself, please. It's the first thing people see. For example, while browsing some profiles today, I stumbled across "bigfruitcake." My first thought was, "Well, at least he's honest! Next!"
Then there was "milost." I don't know, are you? If so, please point your mouse to the little "x" in the top right-hand corner of your screen.
And "citation." What are you thinking? Some girl's going to run across your profile and say, "Ooooh, I wonder if he'll give me a parking ticket! Giggle!"
And "MmmmGlass?" If a way to a man's heart is through his stomach, I guess anyone dating you better be willing to sacrifice a few windows.
"TwotoaShower?" What, you couldn't pay the water bill this month?
And no references to your penis size, please. Women won't believe you, anyway. We know from experience that men have no concept of what six inches actually looks like.
Tip #2: Note to 75% of the male population: black and white photos do not make you look more intelligent or introspective. They just make you look boring.
Tip #3: No outdated photos, either, please. It's not like a girl is going to meet you in person and go, "Well, he was attractive ten years ago! I think I'll date him anyway!" If you're looking for girls who will be attracted to you despite (or even because of) your receding hairline, post a picture of you with your receding hairline. You'd think it would be common sense.
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